last thoughts on India (revised)

I should probably wait a week or so after arriving in Greece to write this...I'm getting sick, didn't sleep at all last night and in all honesty couldn't be more ready to leave this country. I'll try to keep these emotions in check though and reflect back on our time here without too much bias.

As you’ve probably surmised from my other blog entries India is a bit of an oxymoron in and of itself. Its beauty walks hand in hand with its vileness at all times. Its poverty and filth is never more than the turn of a head from its rich culture and splendor.

My perspective is of course completely influenced by the facts that I am American, I am a woman and I am gay…that said, I won’t attempt to sum up our time in India but instead will just list out some random and not so random thoughts, situations and topics that the Wife and I have witnessed and talked about over the last 7 weeks…

•“Tikka”-Tikka means “okay” in Hindi and is always said with a distinct head bop to the left or right. Most of the time tikka is not even uttered and only the head bob is done, over and over as you speak. Sometimes the head just bobs continuously as they speak. It is purely Indian and difficult to get used to when having conversations. I am sure you’ve seen parodies of this and believe me it is no exaggeration. Although very unnatural for us I think you would be hard pressed to find an Indian who doesn’t do it…I’ve yet to meet one.

•“Dressing up”- I’m not sure what Indian women would wear if told to “dress up”…they look stunning all the time. There is no such thing as too colorful or too embellished for any part of the day. Hot pink with sequins seem a bit too much for the grocery store at 10am? Not the case here. This goes for rich and poor, old and young…and on these women it doesn’t look out of place or overly done at all…it is truly gorgeous.

•“Line Jumpers”-I’ve almost witnessed out and out fights in America if someone should break into a line in front of others. We don’t mess around with “line jumping” and I seriously feel fear and guilt if I ever sneak into a line with someone I know that is up ahead. Here in India line jumping is just the way it is. They do not wait for anything and even if you have been standing in line for 15 minutes you better believe 20 people will waltz right up ahead of you. Actually they may even push you to get ahead. It wasn’t until the last few weeks that I started standing my ground against these offenders. It is dog eat dog in the line business around here. I’m not proud to say it but last weekend while attempting to exit the plane I had to physically hold an elderly lady back with one arm to get out of my seat. Then when I stopped to let the row out in front of me she seriously pushed me from behind with all her might until the people got out and I moved forward. Wow.

•“Respect thy mother and father”- Here in India that is not lip service…that is a fact of life for children. Although I have a hard time with thinking I’d still be obeying my parents’ wishes well into my 20’s and 30’s I do find it refreshing to see such respect and reverence.

•“Same, same but different”- Getting what you want here is not that easy and this cannot always be contributed to any sort of language barrier as Indians have a fairly good command of the English language, just not the pronunciation.
Typical conversation with waiter/salesperson/driver/hotel staff:
Me: “Can I please have the same so-and-so please?” (pointing at whatever it is I want)
Them (while head is bobbing): “Yes ma’am”
I wait, they bring it…
Me: “This is not the same, I wanted the same as this” (pointing at whatever it is I wanted)
Them (while head is bobbing): “Yes ma’am”
I wait some more, they bring it…
Me: “This is not the same, I want THE SAME as THIS” (pointing at whatever it is I wanted)
Them (while head is bobbing): “Yes ma’am”
I wait even longer, they bring it…
Me: “This is NOT the SAME, I want THE SAME AS THIS” (pointing at whatever it is I wanted)
Them (while head is bobbing): “Yes ma’am”
I wait, they never return.

•“Chivalry is DEAD”- Or maybe it never existed here. Outside of our hotel if you think a man is going to let you into an elevator, through a door or ahead of him in any way you’re crazy. My advice is stand back and let them through because you’re likely to be pushed down if you attempt to go first.

•“Modesty”-Although I have no idea how they survive the summers without shorts I do think the fact that young girls dress modestly and that both boys and girls are kept from seeing overtly sexual images is a good thing. It is nice to see children here being children.

•“Personal Space”- Forget it; it doesn’t live here in India.

•“The Past”- There is no forgetting when it is still alive and kicking.

•“Down with the 2 party system?”- Here in India they have over 50 political parties and through reading the papers, watching the news, talking to people and just seeing their infrastructure I can tell you not much gets accomplished. I think there is wisdom in both “too many cooks in the kitchen” and “too many chiefs and not enough Indians”…so keep this in mind when complaining about our government.

•“Religion”- Hinduism is not a religion as much as a way of life. There is no question of “are you religious?” To a Hindu it is who you are not what you do or don’t do. The amount of sects, stories and deities is mind-boggling and truly fascinating…especially for a religion that has no actual set of rules or a book to go by.

•“Veg or non-Veg?”- I love Indian food but I do think it is strange that veggies and meat never seem to converge in the same dish.

•“Out to pasture”- Cows are of course sacred in India. They are, in the eyes of Indians, the giver of life. Many people have cows and depend heavily on them for milk, fuel and sometimes even shelter. It is a crime to kill a cow but apparently not so much to treat them like crap. Cows are seriously let out in the morning “to graze” although there is no pasture in sight and very little grass anywhere in the cities. They literally eat garbage for nourishment and do so all day as they wander the streets until they meander back home at night.

•“English,Spenglish”- Although almost every single Indian at least knows some English words and the majority of educated know a good bit they are quite happy to make up new “English” words and adopt them as proper. Like “prepone”… as in they have “preponed your 2pm flight to 8am” so you missed it. Or they will just make up new definitions of using a word…like “hyper” which I argued with my trainer about for an hour as he vehemently says it means to get angry.

•“What do you mean? There are gays everywhere!"-This is an actual quote (said with a Brazilian accent) from one of the guys on the team when the Wife was talking about how difficult it was to be closeted in India. He was unaware of the cultural difference here with "male bonding". Traditionally Indian children are separated by sex when it comes to interaction. This has led to an intimacy between males that would make anybody from other countries believe they had landed in the land of homos. Men, young and old, can be seen arm in arm or holding hands while walking down the street, snuggled up on a bike or stoking each other as they converse. Coming from America where men have to have a "homo-seat" in-between them at the movies to reassure themselves of their masculinity I found this to be wonderful. I remember watching a great documentary on homosexuality years ago and they showed boys/men dancing at an Indian wedding bumping and griding on each other so much you'd think you were watching "Bollywood night" at a gay club. Seeing this, I was aware before arriving but I have to say as a Westerner, even a gay one, it was odd to see. In a good way though.

Please note, this did not make it any easier for us as a married lesbian couple though. I would have to say that living in the closet was the most unpleasant thing about India for us both...more than the poverty, the filth or fear of "Delhi Belly" and malaria. It really made me think about my gay friends in the US who live in the closet and I have a new found empathy for how difficult it must be and what strains it must put on their lives.

Again, I don't think there is a way to sum up all my thoughts on India...all I can say is that I feel really blessed to have seen what I have seen and been able to do what we've done.

Goa

Our weekend in Goa was exactly what we had hoped for...relaxing.

We stayed at the Park Hyatt which was a pretty large resort. It had a HUGE beach, good restaurants and lush grounds. But, I would say the best aspect was how quiet it was there. It is very noisy at our hotel in Gurgaon so it was so nice to sleep without earplugs in at night. We didn't leave the resort at all and spent our days lounging by the sea, drinking beer and eating seafood. 3 things I felt were required for a good birthday weekend for the Wife.



We even had a beef burger! It was awesome and really just smelling it as it came to my lips was enough to make me tear up.

We returned with a very mild case of "Delhi Belly" but I'd say it was more than worth it...not to mention it was probably some stupid washed veggie that did it anyway.

As with almost all our beach trips I took almost no pictures. Sorry...guess I needed a vacation from the camera as well.




Goa is definitely a place we'd revisit if we come to India next year. I told Cloris that we should have come there the first weekend but she quickly pointed out that if we had, we would have never seen anything else because we would have just kept coming back. Cloris is such a wise one.

All in all I would say it was a perfect weekend to end our trip to India.


(Jules and her "beach bag"...hey we have to travel light)

Happy Holi!

India celebrates the Festival of Colours today with Holi. This holiday marks the coming of spring and Indians celebrate by smearing colors and colored water all over one another. I opened the door to two such celebrators yesterday...


Seems the girls "got their colors" at work.

I would love to go out today to take some pictures of this holiday in action but apparently you take the risk of being hit with water balloons and super-soakers loaded with very strong dye. So strong it will not only stain your clothes but also your skin. My main reason is not wanting my camera ruined.

One of the guys is going out today with one of the guys from Coke India so hopefully he'll get some shots. I stole this one from the web to give you an idea as to what "getting your colors" is really all about...

Happy Birthday Jules!!

Thanks to everyone who sent in birthday messages and photos for the birthday slide show. I literally finished it at the very last minute thanks to my lack of computer skills..but, I do really think it turned out great.

I played it for her first thing this morning. She was so surprised to wake up to her 30th birthday in India and still be surrounded by the love of her friends and family. It really meant so much to her to hear from everyone.

The file is HUGE and too big to post or send via email so if you would like to see the slideshow you can download it from this link . Be warned it is over 20 minutes long so it will take you quite some time to get the file. If you know of any other way to compress the file then please share.

Thanks again guys!! Much love to all of you!! Wish you were all here with us to celebrate...oh, wait...maybe I should wish that we are there and at a Mexican restaurant with you.

Be sure to eat some chips and cheese dip and drink a margarita today in honor of our girl!!

Is 5 weeks not enough time to undo everything that is done to a body when it can't walk much less exercise for 10 months...all while drinking and eating whatever it wants?

Apparently the answer is a big fat (pun intended) NO.

I have been working out like a mad fiend since arriving in India. I work out 5 times a week for 2 hours each session. I do cardio for an hour and then work with a trainer from the hotel for weight lifting and strength training. So far I've only managed to lose 5 kilos...I chalk at least 4 to maybe 4 1/2 of those to the water weight I was carrying from the booze-fests that were our goodbye parties.

So technically I believe I have lost only 1 kilo...which is only 2lbs. Why the kilo talk? Well, I'm drowning in conversions and after the other American on the team kept referring to kilometers and degrees in Celsius I realized I better go ahead and give in too.

On any given day I am too sore to move this appendage or that...one day I sneezed and felt I had been shot directly in the abs. I wake up feeling as if a ton of rocks is piled on top of me because I am so achy and exhausted. You'd think maybe I'd be seeing some results but so far I've got all the pain and none of the gain.

I do, however, adore my trainer. I suppose he is kind of my bff here in India or at least the person I talk to the most outside of Jules. I have learned a ton from him about India and Indian culture...he's given me lessons on everything from the basics of Cricket to the details of Hinduism. And hey, I think it is only fair that I get to drill him for information while he is attempting to make me puke.

I also believe him to be in my debt since I save his life every single day by not killing him. Never did I think a person would survive literally poking a finger into my stomach and telling me I ate too much yesterday...or pointing out each and every area in which I need to lose fat from...or calling me lazy...or asking me to get myself weighed in public.

Anil's candor used to shock/embarrass/appall me, but now I find it endearing and know it will be one of the only things I miss about India.

He asks about going to America all the time and I am quick to point out that although I think he's a great trainer he'll need some lessons from me before trying to find a girlfriend. I don't think he'd get far at the bars poking girls in the stomach...a black eye maybe.

Varanasi

This past weekend we visited India’s holiest city, Varanasi. It is the home of Lord Shiva and one of the world’s oldest living cities. It is here that Hindu pilgrims come to bath in the Ganges, perform religious ceremonies and even come here to die in hopes of receiving “moksha”, the Hindu liberation from birth and rebirth.

The more we told locals we were going to Varanasi the more warnings we received about our trip…everything from “wear bug repellant each time you step outside” to “don’t eat anywhere outside your hotel” to “don’t talk to anyone who is dressed in religious garb because they are tricking you into giving them money”…needless to say the more I heard the less excited I became about going.

After a very bumpy flight we arrived in Varanasi to find there were no guides available to escort us the next day. We went ahead and booked our driver for a full day of sights and I tried hard to ignore the feeling of uneasiness in my stomach.

Our driver picked us up before 6am and we headed down to the Ganges River to take the sunrise boat ride. As we walked from the van to the river I have to say I was happy for the lack of light…it wasn’t a far walk but it was straight through a little market whose “stores” were nothing more than wooden shacks with dirt floors. Cows, goats, dogs and who knows what else were all milling around and the smell was not the most pleasant. When we reached the Ghats (steps that lead to the Ganges River) we were swarmed by children selling flower lights. These small candles surrounded by flowers are used as an offering to the Ganges River, which in a city full of temples is considered the most sacred place.
It wasn’t until we had gotten into our little wooden boat and out onto the Ganges that I finally felt a little more at ease. The river was quiet and calm and immediately we began to see people bathing and performing rituals in its waters…truly sights to behold. We also saw the Ghats where bodies are cremated in the same way and with the same flame that has been burning for hundreds of years.

After the boat ride we headed back to the hotel for breakfast and then headed out again around 9am to Sarnath. It was in this city that Buddha sat under a Bhodi tree and became enlightened and where he gave his first speech to his disciples. There was a very nice temple and we even got to see the tree, albeit a tree made from a graft of the original tree because I guess it died. Nonetheless it was pretty cool to see the birthplace of a religion.

We then headed back to the hotel for some much needed siestas before our next boat ride to witness the evening rituals. Little did I know that I would need that nap for survival…without it I don’t think I my motor skills would have been up to the challenge of getting to the Ghats.

In the evening they do not allow motor vehicles into old Varanasi…I’m assuming to keep the noise from disturbing the ceremonies. I wish I had some pictures to show you the insanity that we waded through in the 10 minutes it took to get to our destination…but I refused even to take a picture for someone else. I needed to keep one eye on the ground to avoid feces and urine (hopefully just of the cow and dog variety-probably wishful thinking again) and the other eye darting from one direction to the next to avoid being run over by a rickshaw, bicycle, motorcycle or cow. It was a nightmare.

When we finally made it back to the Ghats we found it still filled with the children still selling their flower lights as well as hoards of people making their way down to the Ganges. Again, the uneasiness only subsided when we were back on the boat.

This ease was short-lived as our boatman decided we should take another trip down to the crematory. This time he promised many more bodies as if this would make us want to see it even more. I guess for most of the tourists he meets it is a plus but my heart was heavy as I watched these shrouded bodies dipped into the water by their relatives before being put on the pyre. I won’t say that from a distance it wasn’t fascinating to think how sacred and unchanged this ritual is but I had no interest in intruding on these families at such a private time and when the boatman pulled us up almost to the bank I pleaded that we go back to the other Ghats.

Bearing witness to the evening aarti (prayer ritual) was really astonishing. We have some pretty great video but until we get a replacement cable for the one I left behind in Atlanta (one that I had deemed unimportant) you’ll just have to look at the photos.

There was no way I was walking back through that lunacy so when our boatman suggested a motorized rickshaw I hopped on in. It was a crazy ride but at least I was sure my feet would stay feces/urine free and both my eyes were free to really take it all in.

It is so difficult to explain what it was like to be there and see all that we saw. Unchanged by time, it was like we were watching the living and breathing past.

Through all the crap (both figuratively and literally) we all felt we were really privileged to have observed something this unique and truly special to India.

Described in our books as a “fairytale city” built around 7 lakes surrounded by hills and filled with palaces, I had high expectations for my b-day weekend in Udaipur. I was sure to keep these expectations in check because after being in India for three weeks I know that although there is great beauty to be seen it is usually amid a lot of unpleasantness.

To my delight Udaipur did not disappoint and even exceeded my expectations. We arrived Friday evening and quickly set off to have dinner at a recommended restaurant. We had our meal on the water’s edge with great views of both the City Place and Lake Palace which has been converted to a luxury hotel. Our hotel in Delhi had even given me a b-day cake to take with us to Udaipur and thanks to the wedding season being in full swing we even had fireworks. Not bad for a birthday dinner miles away from home and friends.

Our guide the next day was my favorite yet…his English was close to perfect and he was very open to my incessant questions about Indian culture. He, himself, was to be married in 4 days and he gave me a lot of insight into the actual ceremony and even more into the pressure put on these young people to be wed. His marriage, like most in India, was arranged and he had only twice met his bride-to-be…each time for no more than 15 minutes. Can you imagine?

My favorite part of the day and maybe of my time in India was our trip out to these 11th century Hindu temples. He had asked us if we were interested because it was about 30 minutes outside of Udaipur but promised us they were something really special…and they certainly were worth the drive.

Not only were the temples themselves beautiful works of art but the setting couldn’t have been more serene…surrounded by green wheat fields in the valley of hills. I’m afraid none of the pictures we took of the temples themselves do them justice. Each was made of marble but one had every square inch of its interior filled with intricate carvings depicting the stories of the Hindu gods. It was truly exquisite. However, it was the tranquility we all found just sitting outside these temples that was the true treasure. I believe it was the first time outside of our hotel that I really felt at peace since being in India. I could have sat there for hours enjoying the gentle breeze and quiet calmness that enveloped us…it was a perfect end to our day.

Thanks to a later flight, Sunday was spent by the pool and enjoying a leisurely late lunch. We had originally been annoyed at our travel agent for being unable to secure tickets for the earlier flight with everyone else. However, it seemed we were the lucky ones because the poor group had their flight “preponed”. I’d still like to know if that is even a word (Beth?). Either way, apparently the airline chose to move their flight from 1pm to 9am without any notice. Missing their flight they were forced to take a later flight to Mumbai, have a layover there and not arrive in Delhi until about 10 minutes before us and we had a 6:50pm flight out of Udaipur. Ouch.

Next weekend we are supposed to go to Varanasi which is a religious center for Hindus…the rituals are supposed to be amazing to witness. A team member mentioned that most rituals forbid photography so we’re toying with staying in Delhi. After the horrible travel day they all experienced we may be the only ones actually going anyway.

29 (+2)

I dreaded my 30th year like the plague and it turned out to be a fairly trying year. Delays in our plans and health hurtle after health hurtle left me yearning for my 20’s even more than I had expected.

I’m now looking 31 in the face and am just as horrified about getting another year older as I am every year. I am, however, looking forward to putting “30” behind me and moving forward with what is sure to be an incredible year.

I’m usually a stickler for making (not keeping) New Year’s resolutions but with all hubbub of getting ready to leave I neglected to set any for ’09. Sure, it’s a bit cliché but I think it is good to give yourself a good eval every so often. You know, take a little inventory and see where it is you are and the distance between that and where it is you want to be.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start measuring my own years instead of the calendar's and my resolutions should begin with each birthday.

Resolutions for my 31st Year…

o Use this opportunity to give back to my fellow man-worldwide. Meaning I need to volunteer in every country that it is possible for me to do so.
o Undo all the unhealthiness from my 30th year.
o Be more patient and lengthen my fuse.
o Focus on my books…really focus and really get this idea off the ground.
o Get my foot healthy enough to get back into heels! I will even settle for wedges.
o Write in my journal again…even when I feel like I’ve said I all have to say in cyberspace.
o Do my best to see people and places through eyes deeper than that of a tourist.
o Actually complete my Rosetta Stone lessons…whether or not any of theSpanish sinks in is out of my hands.
o Figure out a way to be the same friend from a million miles away.

Maybe I’ll be more inclined to keep these resolutions since I’m posting for all to see…maybe not...guess we'll see in 361 days.

i heart dolly

The Pink City

Our weekend in Jaipur was filled with some great sights and even better shopping.

By India standards, Jaipur is a far more serene city than Delhi or Agra. We saw some really cool sights and learned a lot about the history of the city.

But, in all honesty most of our time was spent taking advantage of what Jaipur is really famous for…beautiful handmade clothes, vegetable dyed fabrics, gorgeous handcrafted home goods and rugs, traditional artistry and awesome jewelry. It was an “all girls” weekend and each of us came back with lighter wallets and much heavier luggage.



I would say outside of the inappropriate massages we received at the Sheraton on Sunday (story for another day) it truly was a great weekend.