Usually I stand against violence...

I am a bit of a freak about tomatoes. Plucking them from my grandmother's garden, as a child I would literally eat them like an apple. You could not leave my grandmother's house without taking a grocery sack full so when not there I had to look no further than my own kitchen window sill to find a delicious homegrown tomato.

For people who didn't have this luxury I'm sure they would be fine with tomatoes purchased at a grocery store. They may even rave about those bought at the Farmer's Market. But, rest assured nothing compares to tomatoes grown at home, even those that say "vine ripened". I've bought them all and I can say with confidence that they're all crap.

I hate these tomatoes so much that I choose not to eat them at all than be subjected to their inferiority. Sure I'll eat tomatoes at restaurants. There is even a seafood place in Florida that has the closest I've ever tasted to homegrown...but again, just not quite there.

Last year I begged the BFF to grow tomatoes. After much persuading he did grow some and had quite the harvest, so I hear. Although I did pluck a few of his sweet cherry tomatoes the neighbors made off with the real loot before I even had one!

This year I'm taking it into my own hands and although I had to plant it in a pot to place on my back porch, the only place I get sun, I have planted a tomato plant. A German Beauty Heirloom tomato to be exact.

You may have noticed the snake curled around my little German beauty...it is actually a cobra.

I put this guy there under the advise of the BFF to ward off the squirrels. Our oak tree is currently home to over 10 squirrel nests and who knows how many of the wretched little creatures who's seemingly only purpose in life is to dig up my plants.

For a few weeks my little cobra soldier has done the job. It is the first time I have ever planted anything that I didn't come to find dug up by those rats in cute costumes.

Last week I came out to find a pansy in a neighboring pot completely dug out. Now they had dug in the pansies back when I planted them months ago. But after finding that I did not actually use pecans as fertilizer they had moved on. Why now? Could they truly be so cunning to actually test the cobra, which I move daily to keep up the life-like effect?!?

The answer is YES. The next day they had dug in the tomato pot. My once terrifying cobra was found tossed about and lying belly up...defeated.

I found a couple of days ago that I now have flowers on my tomato plant. I'm no horticulturist but I believe those small blooms will eventually become the delicious tomatoes I so desire. And I'll be damned if the squirrel army is going to deny me of the summer joy I miss so much.

I need a plan and fast. Currently I'm toying with electric wire, rat poison, an air pistol or a fake owl. All of which the wife is adamantly against. For now I just try to run them down in my car.

I may have lost this one battle but the war will rage on and to the victor will go the spoils...the sweet, sweet, sun-ripened spoils.