It was a pretty short tour, but it felt like a lifetime thanks to our ridiculous tour guide. Until this trip I had been extremely impressed with every guide I’d had in Ireland. Considering that the Wife and I stayed for a weekend, I toured around by myself and then J and I spent 4 days roaming around Dublin- I had met more than a few. Wow, but this guy…he was…well, if you have ever seen the BBC original “The Office”- he was David Brent.
Should have been a good time, right? Well, I quickly realized that it isn’t too funny to actually be in David Brent’s world- only to observe it. On television. For 30 minutes. I’m serious when I say he was David Brent. I swear I’m going to email Ricky Gervais to see if this guy was his inspiration. Exact same mannerisms. Exact.
For the first hour or so I couldn’t quite place why he was so familiar, but when we were in the castle it hit me like a ton of bricks. Inside one of the rooms was a very small collection of miniature furniture models used by carpenters in the 19th century. All of them, save one, were little chest of drawers and wardrobes. The other one was apparently for holding maps because David Brent went into this story, complete with different voices:
Imagine I’m a carpenter in 1894 and I receive a letter from a well-to do-lady. Me goes to see this lady, perhaps at a home as elegant as this and that fine lady says to me “Oh sir, can you please help me! Me husband is an old sea dog and has maps all over the house! Is there anything you can do to help me get me husband’s maps under control”
Can I help her? I tell her to hold on one minute and then I pulls out of me little bag this wee model. The fine lady exclaims “Oh, me thinks this is just the thing!” So the lady signs papers for me to begin the work. I work hard and in about 3 weeks time I complete the map drawer and have it delivered to the lady. You can imagine she would be very happy with my work and I’d hope her husband would be just as pleased!
what? the? hell?
Yeah. And in true David Brent form, on the way back to Dublin he proceed to tell us that he was recently at a pub and was the last one standing AND that he is a member of a singing group. But, oh no…don’t ask him to sing. He needs a few pints first. I have zero doubt that he would have started belting out Molly Malone had anyone on the bus had actually protested and asked him to sing.
Aside from our preposterous guide, it was a nice little trip out of the city. The castle was nicely preserved…
Howth was a cute little fishing village and seals were very sweet looking…
However, there were tons of birds swooping and squawking trying to take the fish before the seals could get them. As you can see, I was a bit freaked by all these birds. Birds, much like monkeys, make me nervous…
So I throw it…
Aw, he’s going to get it…
Total bird insanity…
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