[sigh]

[sofia petrillo style] picture it…

a small and ill furnished hotel room in the sprawling metropolis of essen, germany. 48ish hours ago…

[having just finished “a room with a view” and wanting all things e.m. forster, dorky mcdorkerson giddily looks up free classics on amazon.com for her kindle] “ooh, passage to india…ooh here’s howards end! dang it. i can’t find maurice!”

[wife, not truly listening as is normal when dorky mcdorkerson gets on a roll. said with eyes rolling] “uh, huh. what? yeah, sorry honey.”

[dorky mcdorkerson] “ooh, i should go ahead and get war and peace, huh?

[wife, eyes still rolling] “sure, sure. yeah, sounds great."

[dorky mcdorkerson, unfazed by her wife’s obvious lack of interest] “oooh, here’s dracula! i can’t remember if i’ve read it before…i’m getting it!”

[wife, somewhat interested] “you are not reading that before bed. you’ll be scared just like you used to be after watching that ghost show.”

[dorky mcdorkerson] “what?!? no way! paranormal state WAS scary, this is a classic. like i’m going to be scared from some book written in the 1800’s! come on!”

[wife] “DO NOT read it before bed.”

[dorky mcdorkerson, under her breath] “whatever.”

fast forward 24ish hours later, same hotel room. dorky mcdorkerson and wife have crawled into their giant bed which is actually composed of two larger than twin-sized mattresses pushed together. after another thrilling night in the sheraton essen lounge, they are settling in…

[dorky mcdorkerson turning on her mighty bright book light, grabbing kindle and clicking on dracula. she is frantically shaking her right leg, which she is allowed to do since the wife cannot be annoyed with the movement in her adjoining, but separate bed] “love you.”

[wife facing away from obnoxiously bright book light and laying on the far side of her mattress away from insanely annoying leg movement] “love you.”

20ish minutes later…

[dorky mcdorkerson] “honey???”

[wife, sleepily] “what?”

[dorky mcdorkerson] “i’m scared.”